Receiving A Message- A Blog by Brynn

After losing my daughter I am constantly looking for signs from her. I pray throughout the day and am always asking her to send me a message.

When I open my eyes in the morning and see the pink sky from my bedroom with the sun coming up I feel her presence and know she's there. I can still hear her sweet little voice saying Mom, Mom. I replay it every morning. She was my early bird always waking me up with the sunrise. She would call for me until I went into her room to get her. Never any tears from her in the mornings. She would be beaming with smiles as bright as the sunshine.

Another sign I get almost daily is seeing a red tail hawk. This will happen at the time of day I need it most or in the most random location. I've seen a hawk many times at the cemetery while visiting Ro or on my drive there I always seem to see one flying over my car or sitting in a tree as I go by. During Rowyn’s celebration of life, I was standing outside in a trance after the balloon release in honor of her and someone told me a hawk was circling above me. At the time I was too out of it to think that it could be a sign but now as time has passed I'm positive Rowyn was showing her presence that day. On my worst days I could be just climbing out of bed and a red tail hawk flies by my window at the exact moment that I walk by. I don't think it's a coincidence anymore. It happens too frequently. One time my husband was driving down the freeway and I was in the passenger seat crying because I missed Rowyn so much and one flew by right in front of our windshield. How is that even possible going 70 miles per hour! I get a sense of comfort every time I see one now. I know this is one of her ways of showing me she's with me.

She has also left me little feathers at the most perfect times. The first time I received a feather from her was about 4 weeks after she had passed. My husband, son, Cassie, and many more family members had all found one and I hadn't yet. I was so sad and didn't understand why she wasn't leaving me a feather. My cousin Erin had been encouraging me to get out of the house and we were on a morning hike up in the hills of Skookumchuck. As we walked up the logging road I was talking to Rowyn in my head. I asked her to send me a sign. I truly needed one at that time. In the tranquility of the woods we hiked up the hill chatting but for the most part pretty somber. On our way back down the hill I was watching my feet so my clumsy self wouldn't trip and right in front of my path was a perfect feather. The ground was damp but this feather was dry, clean and perfect. It's like she had just put it in my path after I had asked her to. It wasn't there on our way up. I knew she had left it for me. In fact it's so meaningful to me that my tattoo I got in honor of Rowyn has the exact feather that we found that day. My cousin Erin also got the same feather tattoos on her arm. Another instance where she left me a feather was when I walked into the tattoo parlor Lucky No 3 to book our appointments for my whole family to get Rowyn tattoos. I was talking to the tattoo artist telling him that most of my family would be getting feathers in her honor because she always leaves them for us….at that very moment I looked at the floor and a perfect white feather was at my feet. IN THE TATTOO SHOP!!!

I receive signs frequently and have many more to share. I just know that our loved ones up in heaven are still with us. They are cheering us on and our biggest fans. I know that my angel Rowyn is with me everywhere I go and always trying to send me signs of comfort. This is what I'm thankful for today, the signs from above.