Feeling Content- A Blog by Brynn

2 Corinthians 12:10

For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

This last year as most of you know has been filled with many highs and many lows. The lowest of lows I have ever experienced actually, and yet some of the highest of highs also. Hard to believe that after just losing my daughter that I would ever experience another high ever again. I’m learning more about myself everyday. Different things bring me happiness now. Like finding out that I was pregnant with another baby girl. Or raising enough funds in my daughter’s honor to help 24 families this far that were in need. Getting ready to watch my son participate in soccer, his very first sport. Seeing my church family almost every Sunday and watching my son play with the other children there. Experiencing the love and support from so many people that I never imagined was out there. The list is endless. After all of this pain I still feel very blessed. I never in a million years pictured my life being here. I still miss my daughter everyday, and I know that will never ever go away. I can say though that I am content right now. I still battle those days that are very low but I am feeling stronger than I would have anticipated myself to be at this point. There was a time where I never thought I would feel strong again. As of now I know I can survive and make it through anything. Not just me but my marriage, family, and faith. This has definitely been hard on all of those things. Especially my marriage. Men and women grieve so differently and sometimes it’s hard to be there for one another when we don’t understand each other. At the end of the day this has made my love for my husband and family grow to a whole new level. I respect and admire the man my husband has become through all of this. He’s humbled, more caring, softer, closer to God, all the things I used to want from him and now that is exactly who he is. I can say our marriage is now stronger than ever and my love for him is stronger in ways I never knew possible. I have fallen in love all over again after 13 years together. God has answered my prayers. In his timing of course, but I remember many nights crying and praying asking the Lord to renew my marriage and bring us together and not apart through this tragedy. I can say that I feel content right now, actually extremely blessed. As hard has my trials have been faith, family, love, and dedication has gotten me through. I hope this blog gives another suffering Mommy hope. Hope to know that there may always be something missing…….but one day you will feel happiness and contentment again.