Another September- A Blog by Cassie

Blog

Cassie

September is here. School buses are back on the roads, kids at bus stops and the feeling of fall really creeping in. One of the things that has been on my mind for a couple of months is how weird it will be when preschool starts back up again. Easton and Wyatt are in the 4 year old class this year. They will be going to school three days a week now, instead of 2. Last Friday we had preschool orientation. It almost felt like déjà vu in some ways. Here we were with excited little boys, meeting the classmates and filling out paperwork. It was just like last year. As I sat beside Brynn we opened up our preschool folders. There were new registration forms that needed to be completed, but there was also the ones we had created a year ago.

While Mrs. Riggles talked, we began filling out the forms. As I was completing each section one by one, I saw it. The question that made me want to crumble. The question that made me want to reach over to Brynn’s forms and rip them from her hands before she saw it.

“Are there other children living in the home, and if so their names and ages?” I glanced over out of the corner of my eye, Brynn was not to the question yet. I saw her answer on the old form of course, written right on the line, Rowyn.

In instances like this, the array of emotions that come over me will probably not likely be describable. However, I find myself being so protective of her that my immediate reaction is wanting to spare her anymore pain. I want to spare her from seeing that question, her answer last year, and how her answer will change. I could not obviously rip her registration away before she could see it. So I just sit there, finishing mine and cringing inside at the thought of her seeing it. I’m feeling like I’ve been punched in the stomach, I don’t know how it will make her feel.

When I completed my packet I closed up my folder, and when she did we made eye contact. She gave me a small smile. We didn’t need to say anything, we both knew it was there and it bothered one another. Although, even after all this time, I still feel the need to say I’m sorry. It’s just something I can never take back. She said, “It was kind of hard to come today.” I agreed by saying, “I know.”

After that, we went back to the classroom where we watched our boys sit politely on Mrs. Riggles rug, listening to her read a story, in their own little happy world. They have grown so much in the last year. It was like an old hat for them to be in that room. It has been a hard year, for both of our families in different ways. But that day, I couldn’t help but feel proud of Brynn and I and our boys. Here we were, facing another “reminder” type day, together. And despite everything, being the best mom’s we can be. Thank you God.