Intuition as a Guide- A Blog by Brynn

Ephesians 1:17 The Father of glory, may give you spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him,

Today I found myself reflecting back on my daughter Rowyn’s life. I laid in bed sick most of the day with the stomach flu watching the Long Island Medium. If you haven’t watched the show it’s about a woman named Theresa Caputo, a medium who can communicate with the other side. I’ve watched the show long before my daughter passed away because it’s so interesting, but now I watch it because it really means something to me. I always seem to get a little reassurance that my daughter is okay and that her soul is still with me. She also talks a lot about intuition on the show. Intuition being signs and feelings we get in our gut or that voice you may hear guiding you or protecting you.

So after watching my Long Island marathon I reflected back on the many times my intuition kicked in when it came to Rowyn. It’s like I was always super paranoid of something happening to her. Especially being hit by a car. So ironic right…..It was so different than I was with my son. For some reason I just don’t worry about him as much. He’s pretty cautious and I never have had any bad feelings that something was or is going to happen to him. My daughter’s curiosity and fearless nature always had me scared she was going to get hurt or worse.

One of the most recent times was about a month before my daughters passing. I was looking for a new child care provider that could watch the kids in home 1 or 2 days a week. I had gone over to her home, not far from mine and met with her. Extremely nice gal, a mother, a wife, kept a clean home, good values and morals and lots of activities for the kids to do there but something just felt off. The kids played a couple hours there while we visited and I got along great with her. I got home later that day and told my husband it went great but I just had a bad gut feeling about it. I could almost picture my daughter escaping out their front door and into the street. I was like I just can’t do it something was bringing the fear to me so we decided that it wasn’t the best option for us.

On another occasion a few weeks prior to my daughters passing I had taken the kids to Sun Lakes and Lake Chelan for 6 days. My husband was working so this was a trip just me and the babies meeting family over there. I have many great memories of that trip and I am so happy I took it, but the same fear was with me there. I never worried about my son there, not once! I worried about my daughter every single day that something was going to happen to her. I worried about the traffic around the camp ground area, I worried about the water at the lake, I worried about the boat, and the list goes on and on. In fact, I remember really being paranoid getting her out at the grocery store that if she could she would escape and get hit by a car. I never ever put her down to give her a chance. I would unload both kids in each arm most of the time so neither of them had a chance to dart out.

I don’t know where these feelings come from I just think I subconsciously knew something was going to happen to Rowyn. In fact I have had many conversations with family and friends about how I can picture Wyatt as a teenager and in school, playing sports, what he looks like and so on, but I could never picture Rowyn. It bothered me enough that I told many people in my family that I just can’t picture Rowyn any older…… Two weeks before my daughter passed was her Aunt Emmy and Uncle Braiden’s wedding that we were all in. I was so emotional that day, unusually emotional. One of the many reasons I was is because I couldn’t picture my daughter ever walking down the aisle. As I saw Emily walking down the aisle with her dad I thought one day our daughter will be getting married and as hard as I tried to picture it I just could not.

These are all the thoughts that consume me. The thoughts of a mother that has lost a child. The past, the present and the future. Someone asked me the other day if I am more paranoid with Wyatt now. The odd thing is that I still really am not. I may be a little more fearful sometimes but for the most part my intuition is calm surrounding him. I do not carry that fear around with him and that in itself is a reassuring sign from my intuition.