A Birthday in Heaven- A Blog by Brynn

“It’s your birthday up in Heaven, and I’m wondering what you’ll do. Will there be a celebration and a cake to honor you? Are the kitchen angels busy breaking eggs and sifting flour? Is the angel choir practicing as it gets close to the hour? Is there ice cream made from snowflakes and some candy made from clouds? Will it just be you and Jesus, or all the happy crowds? I won’t be there to hug you or to count and pull your ears, and I’m sure I’ll feel lonely as I shed some birthday tears, but I know your heavenly birthday will be your best one ever! Just remember, I still love you on your birthday and forever!” Connie Faust

Well all the preparing, planning, hard work and dedication payed off. We accomplished our goal of earning over 50K for our first day of events. It feels so good to be honoring my daughter in such a positive way. We have worked so hard to make every detail of our events special. Now it’s time to start planning our next event and helping more families. Unfortunately on the day of our major events we heard the news that another toddler went to heaven the same way Rowyn did. This really hits close to home for us. The family is located in Marysville and a very similar situation. We know without a doubt this is a family we need to help. Cassie has already taken the steps in contacting the family so we can offer support. I feel the families pain and I can’t even read the articles regarding the accident because it just puts me into a depression. It does feel good though knowing we can take some of the financial burden off of this family.

After the whirlwind of Saturday’s events and many late nights I finally hit a brick wall. Sunday was Rowyn’s 2nd birthday……I had been dreading this day for a long time. I really had no energy but it was such a beautiful day out so I decided to spend some time working in her remembrance garden. I walked out to the garden with fresh flowers to plant, a mini shovel and gardening gloves. Walking out there by myself I knew I was going to get emotional and I was ready to honestly just have a good cry. I had been holding it in for weeks trying to keep it together for my Raise for Rowyn events. I sat on the garden bench and just stared at the flowers. A white butterfly came by and kept landing near me. Here it comes…….I lost it. I cried for a good 20 minutes just sitting there. Not like a little weep. I sobbed. I am still so heartbroken and lonely for my daughter. I love everything that has become of our situation but that doesn’t mean that I like it. I would give anything to hold that little angel again. I didn’t get much accomplished in her garden. I managed to trim back some ferns and set the sprinklers but that’s about all I could manage to do. To be honest I needed that alone time to just break down. My life is so bittersweet now. I love helping other families, I love the new relationships I have built with my Raise for Rowyn team, I love that I have a new baby on the way…….but at the end of the day I would never have any of these things if my Rowyn was still here. As I was out there pruning I kept thinking I should be preparing for her birthday party right now. I had already envisioned her birthday party theme before she passed. I love decorating and I planned on doing an over the top strawberries and cream theme. Pink and girly, strawberries on top of each cupcake and strawberry milkshakes. With my imagination taking over and picturing all the details that I had planned I just continued to break down. I really want to know what they do in Heaven. How do they celebrate birthdays up there? I just want to know what she’s doing.

Later that day I planned on going out to the cemetery to take Rowyn some fresh flowers and balloons. When I arrived I saw that many people had already been there and left flowers, cards, and little gifts. It warms my heart to know that my daughter is so loved. She is still fresh in people’s minds even after 7 months of her passing. I am so proud of how powerful my daughter is and am so happy that I got the privilege of being her mommy. I look up to her is so many ways and am always inspired to be a better person. I see her love still continuing to spread and the people’s lives that she affects in a positive way. For only being 2 years old she has sure accomplished a lot. With that I am so honored that I got to spend her 17 months of life with her even though it ended in a lot of pain. I wouldn’t trade that time for anything. Im sure every birthday is going to be difficult for me but I know that she will continue to bless people for many years to come.