It's in God's Hands- A Blog by Brynn

It’s in God’s Hands

My personality and instinct has always been to be in control. Ive always planned for the future and looked ahead. Ive never had a problem setting a goal for myself and achieving it. If it was something truly important to me I would find a way to reach that goaI. I have never dealt with rejection well so I always have strived to please employers, my spouse, friends, and family. I give 100% to try to be the best me I can possibly be. All of this is in my control right?.....

Until the passing of Rowyn I really felt like I was in control of my life and my destiny. Once losing Rowyn I realized nothing is REALLY in my control. I can’t predict what tomorrow may bring. I thought I had my life all mapped out. I loved my career, have a beautiful home, a wonderful husband and family, 2 healthy children, a boy and a girl exactly what I always wanted, and future goals set for my family. I felt like I was complete and that was how I was going to spend the rest of my days. After my life has been flipped upside down my desires and thoughts are completely different. Now I don’t even know what tomorrow will hold let alone plan out my future. Instead of planning out my future step by step I am now taking life one decision at a time. Lately it seems like an overwhelming amount of decisions need to be made. My old habits want to kick in and take charge. Make these decisions and get things going but what I’ve learned through my heartbreak is to let it go into Gods hands. It’s all going to work out how he wants it to anyway. He guides me everyday. I have to constantly tell myself not to jump the gun and rush forward. Let him be my guide. Without my faith I have no idea where I would be through all of this tragedy. One thing is for sure it wouldn’t be a positive place. I still struggle everyday to remain positive and upbeat and some days I just am not able to. But one thing is for sure it actually feels really good not to be all stressed out about my future all the time. I have 100% faith that it’s going to be great. I’ve never fully let myself go to this way of thinking…….it’s in God’s hands, but it is so much more relaxing. The old me control freak planner wants to make a comeback sometimes but I’m learning its way more fun to just let God and my daughter work out this plan they have got going for us in heaven. The examples of his guidance are everywhere for me and my Raise for Rowyn team. That is how I know this is exactly what I should be focusing on right now. It’s growing itself. My team is busting our butts to make things happen but these amazing opportunities and contacts just get placed into my path. It’s pretty unreal the growth of our charity in such a short period of time.

I am still setting goals for myself and Raise for Rowyn. It’s just a different way of thinking about the goals than I used to. My goal will consist of helping families all over the U.S instead of just focusing on a number in the bank account. I no longer think about my personal bank account either which can send my husband overboard but Im just not worried about it that much. I feel like God will take care of me. Lately I haven’t been working much because I am focusing so much on Raise for Rowyn and trying to get thru the hard days still. Before this would not have been an option for me to cut back hours and take a pay cut but it’s just not important to me anymore. I am fully trusting God to supply what I need when I need it and it feels pretty darn good.