Loving My Simple Blessings- A Blog by Brynn

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5

Today was the most relaxing day that I have had in a very long time. I simply stayed home with no obligations, no where to rush off too, took my time doing my household chores, cooked, and enjoyed my family. It’s the simplicity of just spending time in our home that we have made our own and being with my son, husband, 2 crazy dogs, and my old man kitty. Of course on days like this I still always feel like my Rowyn is missing…..because she is. I don’t hear the kids laughing or screaming at each other anymore, or the sound of her chubby little feet running across the hard wood floors. It’s an emptiness that’s in our home that I know will never go away. I actually think it’s an emptiness that will follow me where ever I go for the rest of my life. I am learning to adjust to this and live with it. I snuggled with my son and stayed in our cozy’s all day. We lit the candles and Wyatt pretended they were his mini bonfires. I would so rather be doing this than off in town somewhere. I guess it makes me realize that I need to make more time for days like these.

After losing my daughter my things of importance have definitely changed. I just want to cherish every single moment that I have with my children and family. Not that I didn’t feel that way before, I am just willing to make the adjustments now in my life to get there. As many of you know, I am 15 weeks pregnant. I couldn’t be happier for the blessing of another baby into our family. I have done lots of praying and I have talked to my Rowyn in heaven and I just feel that with her help God has picked us out the perfect new baby to come into our lives. As excited as I am, I am equally as nervous. What if we face a health issue? What if something happens and I lose another child? I really have to try hard to accept this is all in Gods hands and not mine. I just don’t know if I could handle any more heart break. Im hoping this baby will help our family heal. Not fully, because I know there will always be a hole in our hearts missing Rowyn, but heal enough to feel like a functioning family again. Im ready to get into a new routine. I cant wait to snuggle a little infant again, wash little clothes, and absorb every single moment that I can. I am a little ashamed to admit that I will be slightly disappointed if it’s not a girl. I am embarrassed that I am even openly admitting to feeling this way but it’s the truth. I soooo want to have another precious little girl. I will of course love a little boy just as much but I cant help yearn for that bond that is different between mother and daughter. No baby, boy or girl will ever replace my Ro but I am so thankful that I am able to have another child after all we have been thru. Who knows maybe we will have a couple more…….my husband thinks I am crazy for even saying that but you just never know. I cant wait to see from here where our lives go and I especially cant wait to find out next week what gender the baby is. Fingers crossed for a girl. :)