The Struggle is Real- A Blog by Brynn

The Struggle is Real

“The struggle you’re in today is developing the strength you need for tomorrow. Don’t give up.”

My last week has been pretty hectic and busy. Raise for Rowyn has had three requests for support in the last couple days, my work schedule is slammed, graduation parties to attend, a baby shower, and a family birthday party. Also keeping up on my house hold, caring for my 3 year old son and husband, planning numerous upcoming charity events, growing a baby, and I’m still a grieving mess. Talk about overload. The growth of Raise for Rowyn in such a short time amazes me everyday. New doors seem to open for us all the time. Opportunities for growth and advertisement seem to just get placed in our lap at the right time. It’s truly an amazing feeling to be able to help so many other grieving families. At the same time it’s so heartbreaking and unfortunate that child death is so common. Before losing my own I had no idea that this sort of thing happens as much as it does. In fact I don’t ever really recall hearing of more than one or two tragedies in our area before our accident. I apparently was oblivious to the painful outside world. Now it seems weekly and sometimes daily we hear of another angel baby getting their wings. I feel so passionate about helping these families and I want to raise awareness about how common it has become. I still feel the wound in my heart like it was yesterday. I am brutally honest with these grieving parents about the difficult times ahead that they have to face. For me it is the hardest thing I have ever endured. It does eventually get easier to function and go about you’re every day life but you still wake up feeling that same emptiness eight months later that was there on day one. After talking to other mothers and fathers that have lost children I hear that it never goes away. My emotions and hard days are still completely unpredictable. Sometimes I still wake up and sob to myself before forcing myself to get out of bed. I actually still cry at least once a day. Certain triggers bring on the tears. Usually a song, looking at the clock at the time of my daughter’s death, finding random toys or things of hers that I haven’t seen in months. It’s easy to mask the pain when out in public but behind closed doors my home is still deeply grieving and struggling with the loss of my daughter. As sad as it is, it’s my reality. I am so brutally honest with these other grieving parents because I don’t want them to get the wrong idea……just because I look fine and dandy on the outside to the public does not mean that’s the case. They are headed down a very long dark road and they need to be prepared for the worst days. I want to express to them that they will face the darkest of days and feel like they have no desire to go on. I have had to rely on my faith to get me thru and really surround myself with positive family and friends for support. This is not a pain that someone should have to face alone. I know I wouldn’t be strong enough to get thru without support and faith. After reading about the 12 tragedies that we have helped I realize that many of their situations are even more terrifying and horrible than mine. Im thankful my situation was not worse. I have also noticed that other towns do not come together to lend love and support like ours does. I am still so humbled by the support my family received and the strong supporters of Raise for Rowyn. I look at these other families and they have nothing. Literally no community support, usually not financially secure, small families or no relatives living rear by. I fear for them knowing what they are facing and the least I can do is offer any advice or emotional support for them as well as help with funding. You will find out who your solid friendships are in your life and you will see others become distant and not able to handle it. As limited as my energy is I am just trying to still stay a somewhat normal human being. I have made decisions that all I can do is sometimes be selfish to get thru the day. If you are grieving, this is the time in your life that it is ok to say no. It is ok to take a day off from the rest of the world to cry all day if you need to. It’s normal in my world now and I am learning not to feel bad about it anymore. Just take it day by day and do what get’s you through. I have decided to be okay with being selfish sometimes to make it thru the hard days.