It's all in Writing- A Blog by Brynn

“Thus says the LORD, the God of Israel, ‘Write all the words which I have spoken to you in a book.’ Jeremiah 30:2

Recently Cassie and I started writing a book together. This is a new journey for both of us and we want to share our story. Our happiness, our struggles, the accident, trying to heal, the good, the ugly, and mostly the truth. We are still in the beginning phase of our book but it has been really fun writing up until this point. We have shared many stories of our happy times before the tragedy. Meeting our husbands, getting married and starting our families. For me this was so wonderful to relive all the memories. Special moments have come back to me that I had forgotten about. I remembered why I fell in love with my husband all those years ago and it’s like I am experiencing those fun, wild, and carefree times all over again. I have also shared many special moments raising my babies. This too has been so wonderful to relive because in the moment I guess I didn’t take it all in, but now looking back I feel confident that I gave Rowyn a very full and happy life even though it was so short. I have learned things about Cassie that I never knew before. We have more in common than I ever knew. It’s been so easy and fun because I have really enjoyed what I have been writing about.

We are now approaching the accident chapter in the book. This has been a huge challenge to both of us. I don’t even know what to write. Yes, the terrible memory is still vividly in my mind but I don’t know how to put that into words and share it with the world. I have sat down to start writing this chapter many times now and I still have not written a single word. I really don’t know where to start or what to share. Some things I don’t know if I want to share, nor do I know if people really want to hear them. At the same time the purpose of this book is to tell the real story and to hopefully help other grieving families. Still the only people who know what happened that morning are Cassie and myself. Am I ready to share this darkness with people? I knew going into this new journey that it was going to be a struggle. Now that I am here in the hardest part of my book it’s now reliving all the sadness all over again. Every time I sit down to write I read my daily devotional first and ask God for guidance. I want this book to really say what other hurting families need to hear. Then I just stare off in a daze and cry. I know that Cassie is experiencing the same feeling because we share each chapter with one another and as of now we are both stuck.

We have decided not to rush things. This is something that I hope will bring some healing to Cassie and I, as well as others. So we are putting our hearts and souls into this. It’s so beautiful and also really ugly at the same time but we really want this to feel right to both of us. I keep praying and asking for guidance while I write and I know it will come to me when it’s the right time. I know that this is not going to get any easier but it’s a challenge we want to take on. Maybe I’m just not emotionally ready to handle it yet and that’s why the words don’t come to me. I don’t have the answer. I do know that writing has helped me cope with my pain. It’s an outlet that I encourage other hurting families to do as well. Just getting out the feelings relieves some of the pain that’s bottled up inside. Hopefully after we get our book completed we will feel a sense of relief and maybe, just maybe, feel a little bit of healing from it.